Animal Jokes
Step into the Wildlife Annex — home to bees, birds, penguins and a surprising number of badly behaved pets. From zoo-level mischief to household animal antics, these jokes prove the creatures are running the place.
Why do bees stay in the hive over winter?
S’warm
Two men walking along see a dog licking its nuts.
First man: “I wish I could do that.”
Second man: “I think you should stroke him first.”
Two dead canaries are being sold on eBay. They’re not going cheep!
Kid: "I have to tell you something about my boa constrictor.”
Dad: "What … since when have you had a boa constrictor!?”
Kid: "Since Friday … and now it’s missing!”
Hugh Zapritti-Boyden has been appointed as Chairman of the British Budgerigar Association.
A penguin walks into a bar and says to the barman, “Has my brother been in here for a drink today?”
“I don’t know,” says the barman, “what does he look like?”
I was watching a show called ‘Ten ways to avoid a shark attack’ and was surprised that staying out of the water wasn't on the list.
A man takes his dog to the circus and tells the ringmaster that his dog can speak English and that he should be in the circus. The ringmaster says, “That’s rubbish. Prove it.”
The man says, “Ok, I will’ and he asks his dog three questions:
“What is on top of a house?”
The dog replies, “Roof”
“Good boy!” and then he asks,
“What is the opposite of smooth?”
Dog replies, “Rough”
“That’s my boy!” the guy says and pats him on the head.
“Who was the best Scotland goalkeeper of all time?”
“Rough” barks the dog.
The ringmaster says, “Get out of here and stop wasting my time!” and pushes them out of his office and slams the door.
Whilst walking back to the car, the dog looks up at his master and says, “Do you think I should have said Jim Leighton?”
My therapist said I should get an emotional support animal. So, l got a chicken. Deep fried. It came with a chocolate milkshake. I feel better already.
The manager of a zoo says to a keeper, "The gorilla is on heat, and we need someone to have sex with it. Would you consider shagging it for £500?" The keeper replies, “Yes, but I have three conditions: One, I refuse to kiss it. Two, my family must never know. And three, I’ll need a couple of weeks to get the cash together.”