Pubs, Drinking & Nights Out Jokes
You’ve arrived at the Pub Lounge — where the pints are questionable, the decisions are worse, and someone’s definitely going to tell you their life story. Raise a glass and enjoy the finest drinking tales to stagger through our doors.
Be extra careful on the roads with the new year here. A lot of men will be drinking and getting their wives to drive them home.
I have a bumper sticker that says
"Honk if you think I'm sexy." Sometimes I sit at green lights until I feel good about myself.
In celebration of Rachel's budget reduction of 1p off the price of a pint, local pubs now have a special offer…….just buy 480 pints and get one absolutely free.
A drunken man staggers into a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box, and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies, "No use knocking mate, there's no paper in this one either."
Police have confirmed that the man who fell from the roof of a nightclub and died was not a bouncer.
To me, drinking responsibly means not spilling any.
A man walks into a pub and orders a whisky. He takes it outside to enjoy the sunshine and watch the world go by. As he's sipping, a nun walks by and scolds him, “How can you pollute your soul with the devil's drink?” She says. The man replies, “This isn't the devil's drink. It's just a whisky.” The nun argues that it's wicked and sinful, but admits she's never actually tasted it, only heard from others how evil it is. After some back and forth, the nun finally says, “You know what? You’re right, if I have a sip, I will probably understand better, but I can't be seen drinking out here. Could you order me one in a teacup, please?” The man nods, heads back inside and says to the barman, “Two whiskies please and can you pour one in a teacup?” The barman shakes his head and says, "Is that bloody nun out there again?”
I went out for a few drinks after work the other day, and I got a bit carried away, so I left the car at the pub and took a taxi home. Sure enough, just up the road, the Police were pulling over cars and breathalysing the drivers. Being in a taxi, they just waved me past, which is strange because I've never driven one before and never had a clue where I got it from.