Work & Office Jokes
Step into the Workplace Ward, home to tired managers, even more tired employees, and budget lines that gave up long ago. From office politics to job-hunting chaos, these jokes clock in on time — even if no one else does.
Avoid employing unlucky people; throw 50% of job applications in the bin.
My decorator is an ex-airline pilot.
He did a fantastic job of the landing.
Bloke goes for a job, and the manager says, “It's £12.50 per hour, but it goes up to £16.50 per hour after six months, when can you start?".
The bloke replies, “In six months".
There was a safety meeting at work today. They asked me, "What steps would you take in the event of a fire?"
"Big ones!" was apparently the wrong answer.
I arrived early at the Restaurant last night, and the Manager said, “Do you mind waiting for a bit?"
I said "Not at all"
He said "Great, take these drinks to table nine”.
I told my boss I deserved a pay rise, I added that 3 other companies were after me. The boss replied “Which ones?" and I said “The electric, gas and the water companies.”
I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying.
Sad news from the Nestlé factory today. A worker was crushed beneath a case of chocolate that fell 20 feet off the storage racking. He called for help repeatedly but every time he shouted "The Milky Bars are on me" his colleagues cheered.
I asked my boss, “What should I do with this six-metre roll of bubble wrap?"
He replied, “Just pop it in the corner." It took me four blooming hours!
A man was arrested yesterday after falling into a combine harvester whilst trying to steal it.
He's due to be bailed tomorrow.
My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lambourghini. I said, "Wow, that's an amazing car!" He replied, "Well, if you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year.”
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer ‘smoking’ or ‘non-smoking’. Apparently, the correct terms are cremation or burial.
My local coffee shop has a sign that reads, "No Wi-Fi, just pretend it's 1973." So, I paid 15p for my coffee and lit up a cigarette.
A large lorry loaded with thousands of copies of Collins Thesaurus spilt its cargo on the A12 shortly after leaving Chelmsford. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralysed, dazed, bewildered, surprised, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, confounded, astonished and numbed.