Work & Office Jokes
Step into the Workplace Ward, home to tired managers, even more tired employees, and budget lines that gave up long ago. From office politics to job-hunting chaos, these jokes clock in on time — even if no one else does.
Avoid employing unlucky people; throw 50% of job applications in the bin.
My decorator is an ex-airline pilot.
He did a fantastic job of the landing.
Bloke goes for a job, and the manager says, “It's £12.50 per hour, but it goes up to £16.50 per hour after six months, when can you start?".
The bloke replies, “In six months".
There was a safety meeting at work today. They asked me, "What steps would you take in the event of a fire?"
"Big ones!" was apparently the wrong answer.
I arrived early at the Restaurant last night, and the Manager said, “Do you mind waiting for a bit?"
I said "Not at all"
He said "Great, take these drinks to table nine”.
I told my boss I deserved a pay rise, I added that 3 other companies were after me. The boss replied “Which ones?" and I said “The electric, gas and the water companies.”
I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying.
Sad news from the Nestlé factory today. A worker was crushed beneath a case of chocolate that fell 20 feet off the storage racking. He called for help repeatedly but every time he shouted "The Milky Bars are on me" his colleagues cheered.
I asked my boss, “What should I do with this six-metre roll of bubble wrap?"
He replied, “Just pop it in the corner." It took me four blooming hours!
A man was arrested yesterday after falling into a combine harvester whilst trying to steal it.
He's due to be bailed tomorrow.
My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lambourghini. I said, "Wow, that's an amazing car!" He replied, "Well, if you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year.”